Sunday, December 13, 2009

My Heavy Heart

Sitting at the Memorial Union last Friday, eleven days ago, I looked around the cafeteria and thought about all of the students who will soon be leaving for vacation for a month, give or take. A lot of them looked international. "They must really miss each other, but somehow, they get by" I thought to myself. They make it through long periods of time without seeing each other. I can do it, too, I think. My boyfriend, sitting across from me says, "People are going to think we broke up!" I am sitting there crying. Today is the day he is leaving for sixteen days for his trip to India. And I am dreading the "good-bye."

How my feelings have changed as much as they have, I can't explain. If you look back to my rules, you will see that I think it is so important to avoid putting your friends on the back burner when you start dating. I cannot emphasize this enough. As I call myself a "serial dater," I was so very cautious about this relationship in the beginning because I wanted to create a life for myself in Madison that did not require a man at all times. I made a life outside of him. This means that I have a lot of friends. I have a lot of my own hobbies. I do not rely on him all of the time. But I have grown to really value us. And with all of these people in my life and things to do, I crave my alone time.

Three years ago, I decided that I wanted to go to India. When I met my boyfriend and mentioned that to him, he said he wanted to go there, too. He posts his annual goals on his blog. Something that I should do. His India trip was included on that list. (One of his 2008 goals was to, "Find a great girl to date" which he said he accomplished - he must be two timing). I was excited that I met someone who was interested in going there. But I am not ready. And I am glad I am not there, to be quite frank.

And the worst part of him going was saying "good-bye." Because I have my own life that occupies so much of my time. And although I miss him, I am so not dependent on him, that I am too busy to think about it a lot of the time. And you know what they say - "absence makes the heart grow fonder." This has been good for us.

Tomorrow, I am taking my own separate vacation to Montreal. This is my first solo trip and I am very excited. I am thrilled on the weekends when I can decide exactly what I am doing, without having to beg people to be flexible. This will be very enjoyable for me.

So, the lesson learned is to make sure you have established a life without your partner. It makes you more independent and happier in general. Studies have shown the importance and significance of having good friends.

Until then, have a great week. I am sure I will write about my trip upon my return.

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