Friday, October 11, 2013

Untying the Knot!

I am not sure what's happened since my last blog post.

I'm fairly certain I went missing.

I am currently suffering from some sort of stomach bug that I have had for six days! I decided to embrace the beautiful fall day and go for a seventy-five minute run this morning.

First Place overall on the left. Second place female on his side. Awwwwww

And shortly, I am headed out for a sports massage which I am told is VERY painful and I will be left with some bruising. I am ok with all of this, since on March 25, 2007!!, I woke up with knots that NEVER went away.

First, I had a massage.

Then I tried a chiropractor who told me after I waited in his examining room for over an hour and he never came in to come back and give him another try.

Then I talked to a psychic who told me that I had a choice I couldn't make (I was thinking of moving to Madison) and I needed to make up my mind. Then the knots would go away. So I moved to Madison and then slept on a futon in my sister and brother-in law's tv room where their 1 year old would wake up at the crack of dawn every morning and eat his breakfast at which point in time, my angel Scout would jump up and catch all food he threw around the dining room with his cohort, Pugsley the Pug, which would then wake me up. (This was typically after a night of lots of boozing - me, not the dogs. Or the one year old).

The knots continued in my back shoulder area no matter what I did/do.

Some of you may have been with me when I asked you while sitting at Graze or any random bar or tailgate to massage my knots.

My knots got me into some trouble one time. A few months after moving to Madison, I went out with some friends to a bar. One young guy who came with us looked exactly like Barack Obama. I am not lying to you.

I said, "Do people tell you...."

Obama: Yes, all the time!

It was during Obama's campaign in '08. I lived here for about five months. We went to a bar with a group of people, I was feeling relaxed and I decided to ask Obama to feel my knots. Next thing you know, he is kneading them and I am in heaven.

About ten minutes later, I notice my boyfriend's (at the time) good friend's girlfriend there with another guy. She comes over and says hello to me. This is a gal who I last heard had to wear an ankle bracelet. Not the jewelry kind.

And then about one week later, my boyfriend (at the time) said she - (ankle bracelet girl) told him I had a guy all over me giving me a massage at the bar. Who cares? I was in pain and I needed someone to knead those puppies out. I think I ended the call with "Well, we're through!"*

*We broke up 2 1/2 years later

I then talked to my internist about the knots. She went to her computer and printed a pamphlet from Mayo Clinic for some exercises. Ummm hello? Do we NOT have a wonderful medical institution right here in Madison? Where I work? A little offensive to say the least. I tried the exercises any way. And she moved back to wherever she is from.

I then talked to the oncologist down the hall from my office. A cancer patient had recently told me:

"A friend of mine, about your size, was diagnosed with terminal cancer and I'm trying to help her. She started with some pain in her back and shoulder."

I thought to myself "Oh My God! I have terminal cancer!"

I slinked into the oncologist's office and told him my concerns. He felt the areas and told me I didn't have cancer - Thank you, God! He gave me some exercises to do.

I woke up with a stiff neck about three weeks ago and still can't turn my head all the way to the left so I am off to try this lady. "Try this sports massage, I'll pay for it" said my loving and sweet boyfriend. And so I am off for a beating...

I'll let you know how it goes!