When I wrote "Everything I Learned About Relationships" in October of 2008, I wasn't kidding around. I wrote my eight rules that I try to follow when it comes to dating. I may want to add some here and there, but I am reflecting, as I did in March of 2009.
Well, now it is almost March of 2010, and I am reflecting back on my rules.
Let's reflect. Number one is about not living in the same city as your parents or your partner's parents. I still feel strongly about this. And maybe it is because I tend to date men who have bad relationships with their parents. I don't know. Look at the way he treats his mom. That's how he is going to treat you. Unresolved issues with the folks? That's a red flag.
Number two is about not dating someone who has been married before. It is ok if there are no kids in the picture. I am currently reading a non fiction book written by women who date men with ex wives and children. They all have the same complaint - she is still in the picture, even though they are divorced. Let's think about this: You are in an unhealthy marriage with children. You fight a lot. You already sleep in separate bedrooms. You get divorced. You still see each other and communicate all of the time because you have children together. You are still fighting a lot. You are still sleeping separately. What changed? Not much, other than it is ethical to date other people and you do not have to live under the same roof. (Do you sense a little skepticism of the marriage institution here?) The starter marriage is still ok with me. Practice for the real thing.
Number three states not to date someone with kids. See above. Strongly agree. There are too many wacko ex wives out there.
Next: Friends first. Definitely. Many nights, I will see what the girlfriends are up to first.
My fifth rule referred to not allowing men to do manly things for you. I am slowly failing at this. There was something really sexy about watching my boyfriend with the electric drill....
Rule six refers to not dating a workaholic. I think this is huge. Statistically, workaholics have psychological problems. They are ignoring their problems. They don't take care of themselves and tend to have health problems and strained relationships. Does that sound sexy to you?
Number seven is my rule referencing the importance of dating someone your own age. I think this is important. You tend to be in the same place.
My eighth rule is my favorite. See if your "ideal day" matches up. All this really means is that you have the same interests.
I am going to add another rule. Number Nine is an obvious one. He needs to be very sexy. He has to workout. He has to be toned/tall/dark/handsome/whatever you find sexy. You know why? Because if all you like is his personality and he starts to get on your nerves, at least he is still attractive to you.