Sunday, January 10, 2010

A Meeting with the Ex

It has been an unforgettable week for me. I took on a little investigation.
Madison is small. So small, in fact, that you cannot really be too secretive. I was watching the french film "La Ceremonie" last night. In it, two disturbing and unremorseful women learn that they have both been accused of different criminal acts. One had recently been hired in the small town as a maid for a wealthy family. It had me thinking. If you attempted to hire either on of them in Madison, their names would be so tainted that their resumes would never hit your desk.

You can't get too far around here without someone knowing your name. And I took on my own investigation when I got upset enough with my boyfriend that it was time to hear about his romantic past. It became my duty to seek out his last serious girlfriend and have a conversation with her.

It started a long time ago. When he refused to go into my favorite coffee shop. After enough interrogating, he finally admitted that he dated someone who worked there. After doing some of my own research, I found out that she no longer worked there. About six months later I found out everything I needed to know in the event that I needed to get in touch with her. Supposedly she wanted to get in touch with me. A few weeks ago, when I walked into the coffee shop en route to work, I knew it was her who was waiting on me. And she knew it was me. I could just tell.

So when we sat down together the other day and had a chat, I said "I could just see that you knew who I was. There was a look there. And I knew it was you, too. Somehow, I just knew". After a discussion on things, she was rather helpful. He didn't know about the meeting until after the fact. And he is not happy about it at all. He thinks it is totally weird. But it was so good for me. And I recommend it.

I don't know if I am more curious about the ex girlfriends/wives than others. A long time ago (in fact it is still in my "drafts"), I had started a posting on this topic. I am always curious about what the ex is like. I think an ex girlfriend or an ex wife says a lot about the person. And to hear about their dynamic is intriguing if not helpful.

We obviously are a generation where ex partners exist. Many of them. Our parents may have not had this benefit, marrying so young but we are lucky.

My peers have histories of relationships behind them. Why aren't more of my friends doing this? I have no jealousy here. At my tete-a-tete with the ex, we even shared intimate things about ourselves. None of it bothered me. I would be her friend if it didn't piss him off so much. She probably would have come to dinner with my girlfriends and me, if she hadn't already had other plans.

I think my biggest curiosity about the whole thing in the beginning of the relationship is "what does she look like?" After getting over that, I want to know about their personality type and how my partner dealt with them in a crisis. And of course, it is so important for me to find out why they didn't last.

Clearly, I liked her. She said she wished she had taken on my approach when she was dating him. I told him if I could, I would interview all of his ex girlfriends and write a guide. Maybe I will create a group of facebook. I can be the administrator. Wouldn't that be fun?

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