Take My Advice

Occasionally, I like to point out what facebook was created for. The commencement of facebook and what it has become are very different.

And I am sure I am being completely insensitive when I say that the child updates/profile pictures are - well..... not what Zuckerberg had intended facebook to entail when it was created. I know, I know, I have photos of my dog on there.

Here's the thing. I am a child of the 1980s. If I knew that my parents had blasted photos of me and funny quotes that are currently sitting out there in cyber world, I think I would be weirded out by it.

So this is why I have decided to stop putting up photos on facebook of the children. Not mine. I have none. But of other people's children. Because I feel like I am exploiting them.

And on a totally separate note, I want to say that last year for work, we were asked to give our new year's resolutions I succeeded in mine. Yes - I vowed to stop carrying three bags and a coffee cup to work and it worked all year! Yes!!

Also - since I like to give unsolicited advice out here and never get much feedback, have any of you stopped using so much water? Started exercising? Ended a relationship? or simply started some therapy?

It completely baffles me why more people don't take better care of themselves. How can people continue to do nothing for exercise and eat garbage while watching reality television all day long? The perks of exercise are so AMAZINGLY incredible which INCLUDE:

1) Better mood
2) More energy

Hello?!

Oh! Did I mention looking good? Skinny waist!And you will skip an avocado because it is fattening and eat fried cheese curds?? What is that all about?

And what's the deal with marrying your first true love? Do you really think thirty years down the road, you aren't going to have changed and wondered what it would be like to live alone? Or date someone else? What is that all about?

Oh - and see that photo I have here with the non-exploited child? Yeah, with the Christmassy background? Yeah, that's right. Because I am agnostic, I guess.

I would also like to admit that I complain a lot that Madison is not diverse but don't do anything about it [Like a typical American]. I was thrilled to have attended a dinner party the other night that included four foreigners. And they were not all caucasian. I am making progress.

Lastly, I will share with you that my greatest fears are losing my dog and falling on the ice and not being able to run. Any suggestions?

Have a great day!

The Rules, 2011

Well 2011 is coming to a close. We are almost in the twelfth month. And with this close, I would like to blog about what I have learned in relationships - AKA - "The Rules." I have blogged about them in 2008, 2009 and 2010.

A lot has changed for me. And a lot has stayed the same. For example, I am wearing glasses I have had since 2006. And a sweatshirt I have had since 2003. Ok, enough joking around.

I feel like I have become more of the person I was since I graduated. For example, running was very important to me in 2003. But it's even more of who I am now. And I was interested in cooking back then, too. But these days, I would say I am known as a pretty great cook. Even more so in the past few months. As we get older, we grow more into ourselves. A grumpy thirty year old is going to be a NASTY fifty year old. Just remember that.

And so, we move onto..... My rules:

1) I believe this was about not living in the same state as your parents or your partner's parents. Here is what I learned about this that makes a VERY large impact on your entire relationship. I love not feeling like we have to check in with our folks. However, if I had to change rule number one, I would definitely change it to: He must get along with his parents and enjoy them. He must have no conflicts with his parents. This is first and foremost. If he enjoys his parents, his ENTIRE baggage is very, very tidy - if at all existent. And so, I enjoy that our parents are far away. And I love that we both appreciate and love them dearly.

2) No Marriages. I still agree that a starter marriage is totally cool. As long as he doesn't have some ex who he doesn't get along with or has access baggage with, I am totally down with a starter marriage. It's practice for the real thing.

3) I am stuck on no kids. First of all, I don't know if I want them. I don't want a man who has them. I made the mistake of waiting until the end of the date to ask Tattoo Boy if he had any. [he doesn't]. It is something you need to ask at my age. Kids are cute. So are puppies and I don't even miss those. No kids. Thank you.

4) Friends are first.... Hmmmm.... I have a lot of them. I have really great friends. I have to say, I am so lucky. I hope they will tell you I put them first, but I would have to ask them. Ladies, please comment here!

5) Don't Allow Men to do Manly Things for You... You know how I was single for one month and one day? It's not because I am "dependent." In fact, I would think I am the opposite. I do a lot on my own. And as of late, I really can't think of any handy work I had my man friend do. I hang my own pictures, I move my furniture, I fix things. I am woman!

6) I fully believe a workaholic is no good. Still. I will always stick to this rule. Anything with the word "holic" at the end is bad news.

7) Same Age. I still believe..... Yes - date someone in your generation. The energy/vibes/aging process remains consistent with yours. I can't relate to someone who still gets drunk at 9 AM, as they wouldn't be able to relate to someone who wants to listen to hours of NPR.

8) Yes - your ideal day needs to match. If you don't have the same interest in how you would spend a day together, you do not have the same interests. I am very active and do not like sitting around. Fortunately for me, my man is one of the top runners in town. He has motivated me to become faster. We love exercise, take work seriously and love to blog/social media. We also love "working the room" together, meeting new people, cooking/eating, being outdoors, etc. So important!

9) I added the one about being attractive. You really need to be attracted to your partner. This is so true. Forget a fat slob. He's gotta care for himself. And you need to find him cute.

A Eulogy of Sorts

While running this morning, I was thinking about all of the people I would like to thank for where I am today. And by today, I mean literally today. Tuesday, September 20, 2011. Here in Madison, Wisconsin.

I would like to thank the following people:

Melissa, Gretchen, and Emily. Oh - and Pitbull. Oh and Tattoo Boy, too.

Melissa got me in touch with Tattoo Boy. Actually, she pushed this a while back. So for that, I say "Thank you, Melissa!" You are the bomb. Not only have you encouraged me to pursue this, but you have helped me to get here - with work/life/sanity - I owe you.

Gretchen because as I say, I was already happy and she showed me that I could be even happier. She introduced me to boating and tailgating. She showed me how much more fun life can be [not even materially].

Emily helped me prep for some dates. I was a bit of a wreck and boy did she help. And when I texted her from the bathroom on my first date with Tattoo boy, she reminded me that you only live once.....

Which brings me to Pitbull. One of the songs of our summer. "You might not have tomorrow...." So - thank you, Pitbull. And if ever I have room on a boat for one more person, I will bring you, Pitbull. [And not T-Pain].

And then Tattoo Boy - I am not ready to reveal his identity because - well - if you have seen me out with a boy with tattoos, then you know. But thank you to you, too.

'Tis the Night Before the Weekend

This week was not as exciting as last week. Besides inhaling a piece of granola for the second time and "choking" [Ok - It really wasn't choking], I didn't do anything out of the ordinary.

This "Spacer Dog Guy Owner" from the dog park was texting me to get together. Here is how it went:




SDG: [That's for Spacer Dog Guy]"Hey Janie! What are you up to this weekend?"

JGW: [That's for Janie G Winston] "Oh - I think a bunch of us are going to Plan B." [Then thinking to myself, "Is this dude wanting to hang out one-on-one or what? I said I had a group...."]

SDG: [A few days later] Hey Janie! How was your weekend?

JGW: [24 hours later] Good. You?

SDG: Great. I visited family, etc, etc. Play by play. [I don't know you but I am going to tell you all about my wknd] You want to meet for lunch one day this week?

[JGW is thinking - "This is so random! I met him like one time! Do I have some sign on me that says I am looking for lots of dates or what?" I mean, he is cute and all]

So, I am having a drink with my friend and I am telling her about this. How innocent are you people? The advice that I didn't take that was offered to me was:

"He's probably looking to meet new people since he is relatively new in Madison." And I am like, "He wants to go on a date with me."

So, here was my response to him:

"You mean like a date? Because I sorta got a man...."

And forty-eight hours later, realizing I am going to see SDG again really soon [afterall, this is Madison and we go to the same dog park], it occurs to me that I better make sure I didn't offend him.

JGW: Sorry if that was rude.... I just didn't want to lead you on and I am very blunt.

SDG: It wasn't rude. It was just letting me know.

Aha! I knew it! So, the moral of the story is to be forward, people and also I would have to say that the dog park is a good place to meet people. So, make sure you look hot at the park.

And here is my dad several days after I broke up with my former "Mr. Right Now:"

Dad: [That stands for Dad] So, are you making any friends?

JGW: [Thinking to myself, I have a zillion friends. Why is he asking me this?] Oh! You mean like am I dating?

Dad: Yes.

JGW: C'mon just say it! I am having fun. I don't think I really need more friends, per se.

And then came Tattoo Boy....

Here is me in therapy:

JGW: So, I am already talking to this new guy. And you know, I worry because I don't believe in marriage. And it makes me a little nervous.

Therapist: Well, do you get really intense in the beginning?

JGW: Yes.

Therapist: Ok. Well since you are aware of that, you need to be cautious of that.

JGW: Ok. I am fine with that.

And so, I am going home with him this weekend.... [Afterall, it's been at least - what - a few weeks since we started hanging out?]

Other than that, boating was a success this past weekend. We spent the day on Lake Mendota, through the locks to Monona. Very fun times. I think the mad dash from the hair color appointment to prevent aging to the Union to hop on the boat was a success. [I had about 20 minutes notice]. But I packed my bikini to my hair appointment. Just in case.

Sadly, summer will be over in about one month. I am ok with this. Soon, I will be cross country skiing over the lake. And the Halloween party I have been talking about will have taken place. I even had a dream the other night that I was picking out my costume.

Stay tuned for more fun summer adventures.

The Past Week

This summer has been far from dull. After I got all into boating, and losing a flip flop and my keys in the elevator shaft, I have now seen a dead body and had a small (but not serious) injury.

Here's the run down. I befriended a Forensic Pathologist who mentioned he was on his way to an autopsy. I wanted to watch. So, I got to see a body being autopsied. But I feel really bad for the situation so I am not going to say anything else about it. Except that it was more than I imagined. That and if you decide to have a cup of coffee at EVP in the VA hospital, just know you're feet away from dead bodies in a cooler.

I then had an ultimate weekend of partying it up in Mad-town with my first visitor! My cousin stayed with me and we had a ton of fun including running into my ex-boyfriend at a bar ["Hello!" if you are reading this!] and an old "wayward fling" at the same time ["Hello if you are reading this!] who approached me as I was having a "laughing attack" from all the hype at 1:30 in the morning. My boat captain who was out for the fun decided to bail on us and aborted our boating plans on Sunday which was disheartening.

I have now been hanging out with tattoo boy [because, you know, I was completely single for one month and one day - entirely too long], who agrees to randomly hang out with all my "new friends" who I meet when I am out and about.

Do you ever notice in Madison how friendly everyone is? I have this facebook policy that I have to stay under 200 friends at all times, but I keep on expanding my social circle here, so I am constantly at 199 friends. [By the way, if you try to find me on facebook, I am really hidden].

And while we were out boating a few weekends ago, everyone asked me how I knew the captain and I told them "We met at a Starbucks on State Street two years ago." And then I realized how weird that sounds. And today I had lunch with someone I met on the Barriques patio. And when you are out drinking, you tend to become friendly with people on the patio and then the next thing you know, there are four of you, two guys and two girls and you look like two couples [even though none of you know each other], and that's just how I roll. And tattoo boy totally goes along with this. I think in the last two weeks, we have sat with random strangers at bar tables 50% of the time like we are on some double date. Do you know what I am talking about? It's a Madison thing.

Take last night, for example. Well - let's start with my injury. Walking the old dog around the square, she smelled something and took off and took me down to the ground with a hard hitting of the head. Mortified and in pain, a cute man offered to help me in which my friend said I should have invited him to come over because she was with me and she thought he was cute. My clothes were dirty [she pulled me down by a tree on a small tree lawn], my ass hurt and I was worried about a concussion, so I decided that I should go to Graze and have five glasses of pinot grigio.

Meanwhile, tattoo boy was texting me, so I told him he should probably wake me up every two hours during the night to make sure I didn't have a concussion - doctor's orders.

So, hanging out at Graze, Mr.Divorcee comes over to tell me his problems [I think I may have asked him a question or two] and found out that he had a vasectomy and his ex has a personality disorder. Since my new hairdresser likes Graze [after all, I met her there - sort of], I invited her to meet me there and the next thing I know, we are seated at a table with Tattoo boy, hairdresser and vasectomied/divorcee - like we are all good friends.

I would like to announce that I finally bought a new camera which was so ridiculously overdue. Thanks to the several glasses of pinot grigio I had last Monday night, I spent over $300 on silent auction items that I won. I also have a $200 to Williams Sonoma so I can go shopping for the Halloween party I am throwing this year that I haven't stopped talking about on a daily basis.

On that note - time to go get walked by the D-O-G!

The Origination of this Blog

Here's what I really want to blog about. I am single. I have been single for almost one month. I am sure that all my ex boyfriends are reading this. As well as any man I have gone out with on a date and will be going out with. Not because I am arrogant. But because they will tell me. Or they have told me. I have not been single in a really long time. And it's time to be single.

I am non-committal. No. I take that back, but I am not deleting it. I am anti-marriage. And while I have been asked if I am working on that in therapy, I don't see a point. I am happy with it. When I first started this blog in 2008, I wrote about getting out of a relationship. And the main thing I point out is that if you are unsure, then it is time to get out which most people do not do. And I do what I want because life is just too short to do it any other way.

Now, I know someone is going to verbalize that I am being way too open here and this posting is not to be intentionally specific or anything like that, but I need to get this out there in the open.

When asked this week why I started the blog, I realized that I had never even told the story. Three years ago, I was thinking about starting one when my sister e-mailed me a blog on the progress of her friend's house project. I looked at their blogspot site and saw that I could create my own. And I did. Right then and there. I wanted to journal about my move to Madison, Wisconsin. And then I e-mailed some people and told them I had started my blog about my new life.

And the fresh journey still feels extremely refreshing. And this was never a site to bash ex boyfriends and it never will be. I like to talk about my personal experiences. And now that I am single and I have pointed out how easy it is to put yourself out there. I am going to repeat my earlier posts.

And while my aunt just said that people meet either at a bar or online, I completely disagree. I have never met anyone online and I never will. I have nothing against it. It's just not my thing. I have also never dated anyone I met at a bar. Everyone is fair game, so the opportune time can happen - well - at any moment. Always be prepared for that.

And that's all I am going to say for now. Especially since I just scheduled a date with someone who is probably reading this......

What I Really Want to Blog About

Sometimes, I ponder where I am going to take my blog. Or what to write about. A lot of times, I want to write about really horribly opionated things that I bring up with people and think to myself, "I should blog about that." However, a lot of the time, I feel that it is just too inappropriate unless I start a new unanonymous blog. Which has also crossed my mind. But I don't think I will do.

I would love to blog about things like:

Affairs
Walmart
Horribly over-consuming Americans
My recent political issues
Personal stories of breaking-up and getting back together

Just to name a few. But, as little kids like to say a lot, "I can't."

So - maybe I will just touch on them in a real appropriate way.

Affairs - too much to say on this topic. I think they happen a lot. Humans used to die at the age of forty. So, twenty years of marriage was manageable. I am still quite skeptical of the whole insitution of marriage and I am ok with that. I guess that's something I am supposed to be working on in therapy.

Walmart - Do you like picturing your toddlers (you know, the ones you can't believe are three years old today on your facebook statuses) working a twelve hour shift to make a pair of cheap socks for the overconsuming American who has 76 pairs of socks as it is? (including holiday themed ones, birthday socks and more....)

So, I just touched on the overconsumer problem.

Political issues - I am keeping my mouth shut here. Feel free to share your opinions. Something I did learn over the weekend from a source who is friends/family with a number of soldiers: When coming back from Iraq, they do not want to hear random strangers thanking them as they travel through the airports and on the plane. They just want to get home. (Interesting, isn't it?)

Breaking up and getting back together - I would love to share some funny stories. But I will tell you one thing. When asked one time by a male friend how you are able to date in Madison without running into another person you are dating, I confirmed that "you can't." Maybe not unless you went to dinner in Milwaukee.

And that, my friends, is what I (sort of) want to blog about. A lot of the time.