The Rules, 2011

Well 2011 is coming to a close. We are almost in the twelfth month. And with this close, I would like to blog about what I have learned in relationships - AKA - "The Rules." I have blogged about them in 2008, 2009 and 2010.

A lot has changed for me. And a lot has stayed the same. For example, I am wearing glasses I have had since 2006. And a sweatshirt I have had since 2003. Ok, enough joking around.

I feel like I have become more of the person I was since I graduated. For example, running was very important to me in 2003. But it's even more of who I am now. And I was interested in cooking back then, too. But these days, I would say I am known as a pretty great cook. Even more so in the past few months. As we get older, we grow more into ourselves. A grumpy thirty year old is going to be a NASTY fifty year old. Just remember that.

And so, we move onto..... My rules:

1) I believe this was about not living in the same state as your parents or your partner's parents. Here is what I learned about this that makes a VERY large impact on your entire relationship. I love not feeling like we have to check in with our folks. However, if I had to change rule number one, I would definitely change it to: He must get along with his parents and enjoy them. He must have no conflicts with his parents. This is first and foremost. If he enjoys his parents, his ENTIRE baggage is very, very tidy - if at all existent. And so, I enjoy that our parents are far away. And I love that we both appreciate and love them dearly.

2) No Marriages. I still agree that a starter marriage is totally cool. As long as he doesn't have some ex who he doesn't get along with or has access baggage with, I am totally down with a starter marriage. It's practice for the real thing.

3) I am stuck on no kids. First of all, I don't know if I want them. I don't want a man who has them. I made the mistake of waiting until the end of the date to ask Tattoo Boy if he had any. [he doesn't]. It is something you need to ask at my age. Kids are cute. So are puppies and I don't even miss those. No kids. Thank you.

4) Friends are first.... Hmmmm.... I have a lot of them. I have really great friends. I have to say, I am so lucky. I hope they will tell you I put them first, but I would have to ask them. Ladies, please comment here!

5) Don't Allow Men to do Manly Things for You... You know how I was single for one month and one day? It's not because I am "dependent." In fact, I would think I am the opposite. I do a lot on my own. And as of late, I really can't think of any handy work I had my man friend do. I hang my own pictures, I move my furniture, I fix things. I am woman!

6) I fully believe a workaholic is no good. Still. I will always stick to this rule. Anything with the word "holic" at the end is bad news.

7) Same Age. I still believe..... Yes - date someone in your generation. The energy/vibes/aging process remains consistent with yours. I can't relate to someone who still gets drunk at 9 AM, as they wouldn't be able to relate to someone who wants to listen to hours of NPR.

8) Yes - your ideal day needs to match. If you don't have the same interest in how you would spend a day together, you do not have the same interests. I am very active and do not like sitting around. Fortunately for me, my man is one of the top runners in town. He has motivated me to become faster. We love exercise, take work seriously and love to blog/social media. We also love "working the room" together, meeting new people, cooking/eating, being outdoors, etc. So important!

9) I added the one about being attractive. You really need to be attracted to your partner. This is so true. Forget a fat slob. He's gotta care for himself. And you need to find him cute.

Baby Boom

Wow! Long time, no talk, people.

I feel so lucky because I had the best summer ever. I just took Madison in and didn't take it for granted.

One Saturday, I was about to go boating and I had a little baby on my hip. "My sister is due any day," I told the proud parents. And just then, I received a text that my sister was in labor.

So, I went to meet the baby. And we talked a lot. Not the baby and me. We didn't talk at all. In fact, he just did a whole lot of baby things that I am sure I did, too. And Janie [that's me] thought more and more about the kid thing. I am not a natural with these newborns. I like the toddler age. That looks fun. But what happens to a couple during this time scares me terribly. I talked with my brother-in-law and sister. A lot.

And here is what we talked about: Vasectomy? Tubal Ligation? Which? So - something needs to happen to prevent the procreation when a couple is done reproducing. Correct? What is more invasive? One of them needs to do something. A woman cannot take birth control hormones forever. It's not healthy. The rhythm method results in more kids. So does the "pull-out" method. And my understanding is that most couples who have several children end up with abstinence anyway. So - why the heck have kids if you don't feel like that was a goal in life? [They did not tell me this, I have just read a ton on the topic]. No exploitation, here!

I still feel like at forty, if I can manage to have one, I would. But I am not going to lie here. I hate liars, anyway. I am not afraid to die. I am not afraid of a lot of things. I am terrified of child birth. I am perfectly happy and proud to show off my ten year old golden retriever. I have raised her. Yeah - she's wild and all. But, I have had her since she was a pup. I don't need to "squeeze something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon."

Besides, how would I give up my pinot grigio for nine months? Life is too good without kids. Besides, we have a horrible overpopulation.

MIA in Madison, Wisconsin

Sorry I have been missing in action. As an American (and Americans like to blame), I fully blame AT&T for my disappearance on this blog. Enough said.

What have I been doing? Well, the Wisconsin budget bill was strangely passed and now there seem to be some glitches with it. No surprise there. As I walk around the capital on my extremely routine walks, the protestors are still there, but not as many. The rallies still take place every Saturday. The largest one, taking place on the 12th of March.

My parents were here for the big rally and I think it made them nostalgic, bringing back memories of their time in Madison during the Vietnam protests.

If there is one thing I can't reiterate enough about the protests here, it is that these are very peaceful and calm movements. Don't believe everything you see on t.v. Any newstation referring to "dangerous mobs" also shows palm trees in the background. And we do NOT have any palm trees in Madison, Wisconsin. Last time I checked, people associate this state as a frozen tundra filled with blizzardy winters. No palm trees here. So, lay off the station that starts with an "F" and ends with an "X." The only good thing they have going for them is a show called "Glee," so I am told, as I have never watched it.

Which leads me to a topic of my addiction to Bravo T.V. Yes - I am finally going to publicly and very openly admit that I am strangely addicted to all the housewife shows on Bravo. I am slightly embarassed about this and if you ask me why I like them, I cannot tell you. Riding in the car with someone the other day, I secretly confessed to her that I enjoy watching Bethenny Frankel. She asked me, "What do you like about her?"

Me: "What do I like about her? That's a really good question. Hmmm... Her voice is annoying, she is obnoxious and loud. What do I like about her?" Pause "You know, I like her business sense and I love her husband. I think he has a great personality and he is so cute."

And the more I think about it, I think I like that Bethenny really established a brand and then did what I want to do. She got pregnant at forty and then married a great guy. I have said one child at the age of forty sounds nice.

Now, here is the other thing that is going through my head this month. I am turning thirty-one on Friday. Thirty-one sounds old to me. And while I am ok with having a baby at 40, I may not be able to have a baby at forty. So that's a little sad. Friday is really my third twenty-ninth, by the way.

While I started the creams and the hair dying at thirty, I have decided to grow my hair long (even though I think my boyfriend prefers this length) and start saving up for an eye lift, when the crows feet show up. And I am not afraid to admit it.

And every year, my parents ask me what I want for my birthday. Up until I was about 21, I asked for a little sister and a dog. Well, I got the dog for myself, but I am still hoping for the baby sister.

Does Having Kids Make You Lose Your Sense of Self?

After noticing on facebook that too many people use their child's photo as their profile picture, I have had enough. Is this you? Or is this your child? I am confused. I know you think they are the cutest production of all time. But, you are still you, aren't you?

And now I see that people are posting their pregnancy tests on facebook. They are actually uploading the positive pregnancy test photo. What has social media come to?

I get all my juice on facebook. I don't need to have any conversations with my girlfriends on if they had their baby or what they named it. I can see it all online.

But a profile picture is supposed to be you. I know some people sometimes have their spouse in it. Or a nice landscape. That's ok with me. And I don't disagree or think it's wrong to have a funny photo or a huge cartoon of Bart Simpson. And as I am doing my research for this posting (yes, I actually make sure I am accurate on here), I totally missed doppelganger week on facebook. I have been told I look like a lot of people. But, let's be real here. I am going to go with Anne Frank on this one. There. Done!

So what happens to a young adult when they have a child? Besides the fact that their whole life can change. No more late nights at a bar, stopping for "one more" on your walk home and having a slice of pizza. Sleeping until 9 or so. Out the door with five minutes notice to meet a friend. Yes, everything changes. But I certainly wouldn't want to lose my sense of self along the way.

It appears when parents use their child's photo on facebook that they are losing a little bit of their own identity. Would you turn in a resume and put your child's name next to yours? And their e-mail address, too? Is this is a "two for one?" If I have you, I have to have your kid, too?

Or maybe, people who do this feel a stronger identity as a parent. And must identify with that now. It makes them feel meaningful. Which is sad. I am curious on your thoughts on this one.