I was taught the importance of being your own independent woman. Take my mom's four female first cousins, for example. Three of them kept their maiden name. And they aren't young. This slow moving progressive process has a lot of hiccups.
While we try very hard to teach our children that gender has no specific identity, they learn it through books, television, neighbors and tons of media sources.
I was watching my two and four year old niece and nephew the other day. Where some parents are splitting the responsibilities unevenely, their parents are pretty equal. They witness both parents cooking, cleaning, working, etc.
So when I took them to pick out cupcakes, I was literally shocked that my nephew requested a cupcake with a soccer ball. Where did he even hear the word "soccer ball?" This is not in his household vocabulary. My niece chose a cupcake with a kitty cat! I thought she was going to pick the alligator. I was disappointed. Not in them. But in what they are exposed to. Even in Madison. And I was so thrown off that he knew what the ball was - and was even able to indentify what type of ball - that I gasped and told the cashier I had no idea where he learned this. It was as if he had said a swear word.
Upon my sister's return home, I told her about this situation. She was slightly annoyed. It was clear that as hard as you try, even in Madison, Wisconsin, there are still old-fashioned people who think a ball is for a boy and a doll is for a girl.
When I was in the fifth grade, I listened over and over to my parent's record, "Free to be You and Me." I repeatedly sang the song, "William wants a Doll." Listen to the lyrics sometime. At the age of ten, I was taught that if a boy wants a doll, give him one!
While American Girl is a huge phenomenan, especially here in Madison - why not try buying one for your little boy? Kids may be genetically engineered. But if your little guy wants a doll, so be it.
Teach children to embrace anything. And don't code things as pink/blue. Remember, when I have a child, their name will be "Sam" and you will not know the gender....
Showing posts with label Feminism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Feminism. Show all posts
Monday, May 23, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Post Feminist Movement?
When I moved, I felt comfortable vocalizing about how sexist the cleaning product commercials were (are). I was about eight when I listened to Marlo Thomas rant about those ads, depicting happy women doing chores around the house. And that life lesson was from the seventies. And now it is a new millenium and those commercials have hardly changed. They haven't changed at all, come to think of it.
Watch any commercial refering to dinner, washing your floors, dusting, cleaning the shower, carpooling kids, laundering clothes, baking dessert - you get the hint. The star is always some happy lady.
Newsflash - I am not smiling when I am washing my floor. And any man friend/relative I am close with will also be spotted on their hands and knees, washing a floor. Or changing a diaper. Or baking a pie. My boyfriend cooks. So do my brothers-in-law. And my uncle and his son are the best cooks around. For dinner the other night, my brother-in-law made the entree. My sister made a side. My boyfriend made the salad. My mom and I made dessert. If you are a female slaving away, go on strike and find a modern man, my friend.
How come we have only come this far? The feminist movement came to some sort of halt in the 90s. It's like the feminist, post-modern era happened and my generation thinks the movement is over. But it's horrible. I consider myself very feminine. I am very much into my appearance. You don't have to look androgynous to play a part in this movement.
Who said pink is for girls and blue is for boys? I have decided that I will wait at least six weeks after my baby is born to tell anyone what the gender is in hopes that I don't get any "gender specific" (aka - sexist) looking items.
When you think of the noun "doctor," what do you think? When you think of the word "nurse," who do you see? Can you change that?
The wage gap between men and women still exists. Skinny, happy looking women are still starring in household cleaning commercials (while plenty of men do that job), men are representing scientists and researchers in magazine ads, and here it is, 2011.
If you are reading this and you dress your son in sports paraphanalia and wait on your husband, I want to know why. If you refuse to let your husband do laundry, cleaning, ironing (I don't even own an iron and you cannot tell), please advise. If you refer to yourself as "Mrs. Joe Smith," why?
If you let your son wear a pink shirt, I like you. If you are reading this while your male partner is making dinner, I like you (and him). If you are reading this and your male partner is cleaning/feeding/cooking/baking, I love you even more. And if you are a female and you still have your maiden name (you know - the one your parents gave you - I like you lots. Unless your partner had a really cool name - like an Irish one.) And, if you are a man and you took your wife's last name - I totally approve.
So as I read "Sexual Enlightenment," let me preach that while some things have changed for us women, a lot has not. Even here in my little bubble of Liberal Madison.
Watch any commercial refering to dinner, washing your floors, dusting, cleaning the shower, carpooling kids, laundering clothes, baking dessert - you get the hint. The star is always some happy lady.
Newsflash - I am not smiling when I am washing my floor. And any man friend/relative I am close with will also be spotted on their hands and knees, washing a floor. Or changing a diaper. Or baking a pie. My boyfriend cooks. So do my brothers-in-law. And my uncle and his son are the best cooks around. For dinner the other night, my brother-in-law made the entree. My sister made a side. My boyfriend made the salad. My mom and I made dessert. If you are a female slaving away, go on strike and find a modern man, my friend.
How come we have only come this far? The feminist movement came to some sort of halt in the 90s. It's like the feminist, post-modern era happened and my generation thinks the movement is over. But it's horrible. I consider myself very feminine. I am very much into my appearance. You don't have to look androgynous to play a part in this movement.
Who said pink is for girls and blue is for boys? I have decided that I will wait at least six weeks after my baby is born to tell anyone what the gender is in hopes that I don't get any "gender specific" (aka - sexist) looking items.
When you think of the noun "doctor," what do you think? When you think of the word "nurse," who do you see? Can you change that?
The wage gap between men and women still exists. Skinny, happy looking women are still starring in household cleaning commercials (while plenty of men do that job), men are representing scientists and researchers in magazine ads, and here it is, 2011.
If you are reading this and you dress your son in sports paraphanalia and wait on your husband, I want to know why. If you refuse to let your husband do laundry, cleaning, ironing (I don't even own an iron and you cannot tell), please advise. If you refer to yourself as "Mrs. Joe Smith," why?
If you let your son wear a pink shirt, I like you. If you are reading this while your male partner is making dinner, I like you (and him). If you are reading this and your male partner is cleaning/feeding/cooking/baking, I love you even more. And if you are a female and you still have your maiden name (you know - the one your parents gave you - I like you lots. Unless your partner had a really cool name - like an Irish one.) And, if you are a man and you took your wife's last name - I totally approve.
So as I read "Sexual Enlightenment," let me preach that while some things have changed for us women, a lot has not. Even here in my little bubble of Liberal Madison.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Gender Identity
And here is my latest argument. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about gender identification. I know there have been a lot of experiments and research performed on this topic.
I could go on about this for a while. But, my main issue right now is the color coding. If I currently had a little boy or girl, I would love to do my own little experiment.
Dress your toddler in some gender neutral clothes (say a little girl in some brown/black/green) and they are automatically called "he."
Our mother was pretty much against the pink for girls and blue for boys rule. There are a few people she made exceptions for. And that's how we were raised.
A friend of the family raised her two daughters quite differently. Daughter A was during the hippie movement. She was dressed in gender neutral clothes. She is an engineer who doesn't shave her legs. Daughter B was after the hippie movement. Mom started wearing make-up, watching her figure and maintaining her own appearance. Daughter B is a make-up wearing, nail polishing, skinny, little, feminine and sexy thing.
It is interesting, isn't it?
I am not sure where the color coding came from. Looking at art, I presume it started centuries ago.
But why not let your kids decide how masculine or feminine they want to be? My niece wears a lot of boy hand-me-downs. And I think Americans are over consuming in their need to buy more and more things (like clothes for younger children of a different gender, when their older sibling of the opposite sex has perfectly fine used clothes). And so, little niece doesn't want to wear anything in her hair. And when offered to wear a barrette to pull back some hair from her face, she rejects. Well, how about if her role model, the older brother wears it? Ok, now she will gladly wear one, too! And see, it's not about what is for a boy or what is for a girl. She wants to be just like him.
And with that being said, it is fine with me if my son wants to wear his hair in a clip because the girl down the street is doing it. He will figure out what is "masculine." And I always liked that my little cousin (although quite macho) would wear a dress during playtime. He is from Madison. How many boys will do that?
And the last thing I will say is if I have a baby (although I always sit with the laptop on my lap, which supposedly reduces your chances, so it's unlikely), please do NOT buy me blue things with sports logos on it for my son or pink ruffled things for my daughter. It's sexist!
I could go on about this for a while. But, my main issue right now is the color coding. If I currently had a little boy or girl, I would love to do my own little experiment.
Dress your toddler in some gender neutral clothes (say a little girl in some brown/black/green) and they are automatically called "he."
Our mother was pretty much against the pink for girls and blue for boys rule. There are a few people she made exceptions for. And that's how we were raised.
A friend of the family raised her two daughters quite differently. Daughter A was during the hippie movement. She was dressed in gender neutral clothes. She is an engineer who doesn't shave her legs. Daughter B was after the hippie movement. Mom started wearing make-up, watching her figure and maintaining her own appearance. Daughter B is a make-up wearing, nail polishing, skinny, little, feminine and sexy thing.
It is interesting, isn't it?
I am not sure where the color coding came from. Looking at art, I presume it started centuries ago.
But why not let your kids decide how masculine or feminine they want to be? My niece wears a lot of boy hand-me-downs. And I think Americans are over consuming in their need to buy more and more things (like clothes for younger children of a different gender, when their older sibling of the opposite sex has perfectly fine used clothes). And so, little niece doesn't want to wear anything in her hair. And when offered to wear a barrette to pull back some hair from her face, she rejects. Well, how about if her role model, the older brother wears it? Ok, now she will gladly wear one, too! And see, it's not about what is for a boy or what is for a girl. She wants to be just like him.
And with that being said, it is fine with me if my son wants to wear his hair in a clip because the girl down the street is doing it. He will figure out what is "masculine." And I always liked that my little cousin (although quite macho) would wear a dress during playtime. He is from Madison. How many boys will do that?
And the last thing I will say is if I have a baby (although I always sit with the laptop on my lap, which supposedly reduces your chances, so it's unlikely), please do NOT buy me blue things with sports logos on it for my son or pink ruffled things for my daughter. It's sexist!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The "Real" Desperate Housewife
I don't know what it's like to be a mother or a father. I can only tell you what I know from a weekend of babysitting. Or a full day of childcare, for that matter. My boyfriend completely devalued my responsibilities one morning, when I told him I had to run out the door to spend the day looking after my one year old nephew. Now that he always accompanies me to do things like that, I think he appreciates and understands how much work it is.
So when I met his sister and her husband, I told them that if they ever wanted to go away for a weekend, we would watch the two and four year old. For those of you who know me, you know I detest diaper changes and ignore babies, for the most part. But I am growing. And when we were taken up on our offer, we went from being "two teens in love" to becoming a family of four.
At the zoo, I was even mistaken for being the toddler's mom, while the zoo lady said, "Would you like it if your mom put the stamp on you instead?" "I'm not his mom!" I snapped. And because they are his nephews, I felt they were slightly more his responsibility. And when I went to the bathroom and told him where to meet me, he was freaking out about having two kids and the childless stroller. And then they woke us up at 6:30 AM. No matter how hard we tried to tell them to close their eyes and that it was still the middle of the night. And the final diaper change was a two person job. And neither of us really "do" diapers.
He was exhausted afterwards. He said to me, "How do single parents do it?" He finally got how hard the job is. And I only can vouch from my babysitting experience. But I feel bad for parents when I can leave. I try not to tell them I am tired. Because that's the last thing they would want to hear from a single 29 year old woman who lives on her own with a dog.
And last night, after the children were put to bed (they actually requested to go to sleep, as we were trying to keep them up so they would sleep in a little), I may have requested a vasectomy several times. And then I decided maybe one child when I am forty. And today, I mentioned the vasectomy again.
But now that we got a 24 hour period of being parents, I think we both have a new found appreciation for the hard work that parents do. And mine always made it look easy.
Is this always going to be an issue? Feeling that you can't compromise? If both work and one makes more, it will be a problem. In fact, the a man just told me that his wife makes a lot less, so he makes the mortgage payments. Therefore, it is his house. Does marriage have equality? I ain't seeing it.
And it's no surprise that in this liberal city, my other two families have two husbands/dads who comfort each other in knowing that they have been the victims of reverse sexism.
And after experiencing this weekend and knowing how hard a stay at home parent's job is, I hope every person who makes money and accuses their partner of living in their house or driving a car they bought knows that these stay at home parents deserve an award. Because I would rather go to an office during the week than do what I did this weekend.
Bravo, Housewives & Househusbands!
So when I met his sister and her husband, I told them that if they ever wanted to go away for a weekend, we would watch the two and four year old. For those of you who know me, you know I detest diaper changes and ignore babies, for the most part. But I am growing. And when we were taken up on our offer, we went from being "two teens in love" to becoming a family of four.
At the zoo, I was even mistaken for being the toddler's mom, while the zoo lady said, "Would you like it if your mom put the stamp on you instead?" "I'm not his mom!" I snapped. And because they are his nephews, I felt they were slightly more his responsibility. And when I went to the bathroom and told him where to meet me, he was freaking out about having two kids and the childless stroller. And then they woke us up at 6:30 AM. No matter how hard we tried to tell them to close their eyes and that it was still the middle of the night. And the final diaper change was a two person job. And neither of us really "do" diapers.
He was exhausted afterwards. He said to me, "How do single parents do it?" He finally got how hard the job is. And I only can vouch from my babysitting experience. But I feel bad for parents when I can leave. I try not to tell them I am tired. Because that's the last thing they would want to hear from a single 29 year old woman who lives on her own with a dog.
And last night, after the children were put to bed (they actually requested to go to sleep, as we were trying to keep them up so they would sleep in a little), I may have requested a vasectomy several times. And then I decided maybe one child when I am forty. And today, I mentioned the vasectomy again.
But now that we got a 24 hour period of being parents, I think we both have a new found appreciation for the hard work that parents do. And mine always made it look easy.
Is this always going to be an issue? Feeling that you can't compromise? If both work and one makes more, it will be a problem. In fact, the a man just told me that his wife makes a lot less, so he makes the mortgage payments. Therefore, it is his house. Does marriage have equality? I ain't seeing it.
And it's no surprise that in this liberal city, my other two families have two husbands/dads who comfort each other in knowing that they have been the victims of reverse sexism.
And after experiencing this weekend and knowing how hard a stay at home parent's job is, I hope every person who makes money and accuses their partner of living in their house or driving a car they bought knows that these stay at home parents deserve an award. Because I would rather go to an office during the week than do what I did this weekend.
Bravo, Housewives & Househusbands!
Friday, May 29, 2009
How to Be an Assertive Woman
I am so disappointed in women and their lack of assertiveness. I am constantly hearing the same conversation: You tell a man he's an ass hole and he tells you you're an ass hole too. Then you go grab a beer together. You tell a woman she's an ass hole and she doesn't talk to you for three weeks. And she tells all of her friends what a bitch you are. And what nerve you have!
So I was at the dog park after work, having this very conversation with a dog owner. Do I know her? No. But, she wanted to vent about work. And how she was in a very important meeting this week and she spoke her mind and since then, she has felt humiliated. And I told her that no woman is going to make a difference if she doesn't speak her mind. That is the truth. And then I thought about that awesome bumper sticker. You know the one that says, "Well-behaved women rarely make history". Ain't that the truth? This woman happens to be an attorney and she has so much pride in the fact that she is a semi-public figure and she loathes her job but refuses to give up. There are a lot of politics involved in what she does. But if she smiles and nods her head, changes will never be made.
Do you think Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Condi, Sandra Day O'Connor or the latest trailblazer, Sotomayor made a difference without being assertive? Do you think that they went behind their friends' backs to complain about petty garbage that was bothering them? You cannot succeed in many aspects of life working that way. I can assure you that if Sotomayor is not happy about a situation, she lets you know. And how dare you call her a bitch. What is this all about? Is Bush an ass hole for declaring war on Iraq? No. But I bet Hillary is a bitch for her foreign policy. Give me a break, people!
So how do you become more assertive? The best advice I can give you is that you must be comfortable with it. And there is a difference between being dramatic and being assertive. And men can me dramatic, too. Here is an example of being assertive:
"You are going to have to stop calling me all weekend. I have a life, and I prefer to not be called throughout my weekend."
Here is an example of not being assertive:
"No! Feel free to call me on a Saturday! It's no problem!" (Then you hang up and start complaining to whoever listens about how your weekend is ruined).
And finally, an example of a dramatic person:
"You have to stop calling me every weekend. This is ridiculous. I have a life!" (Dramatic people tend to use large adjectives. Specifically people from Long Island).
If you feel like you aren't "saying it like it is," then you probably are not assertive.
When my boyfriend's family pointed out that we both come from divorced families and suggested the research on couples with that type of background, I was assertive. I looked them straight in the eye and blurted out, "Yeah, there is research on that.... He doesn't..... think!" Oh my God - I just said it. I had never even met some of them before. But I wasn't going to sugar coat it. And it felt right. And we all had a good laugh. Even the two year old nephew. He started cracking up because we were all laughing. It wasn't a nice thing to say at all, though. But I thought they should know that their son/brother is a little bit of a disaster. Do I care if they hate me for saying it? Ummm... not really.
Because you have to remember that well behaved women rarely make a difference...
So I was at the dog park after work, having this very conversation with a dog owner. Do I know her? No. But, she wanted to vent about work. And how she was in a very important meeting this week and she spoke her mind and since then, she has felt humiliated. And I told her that no woman is going to make a difference if she doesn't speak her mind. That is the truth. And then I thought about that awesome bumper sticker. You know the one that says, "Well-behaved women rarely make history". Ain't that the truth? This woman happens to be an attorney and she has so much pride in the fact that she is a semi-public figure and she loathes her job but refuses to give up. There are a lot of politics involved in what she does. But if she smiles and nods her head, changes will never be made.
Do you think Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Condi, Sandra Day O'Connor or the latest trailblazer, Sotomayor made a difference without being assertive? Do you think that they went behind their friends' backs to complain about petty garbage that was bothering them? You cannot succeed in many aspects of life working that way. I can assure you that if Sotomayor is not happy about a situation, she lets you know. And how dare you call her a bitch. What is this all about? Is Bush an ass hole for declaring war on Iraq? No. But I bet Hillary is a bitch for her foreign policy. Give me a break, people!
So how do you become more assertive? The best advice I can give you is that you must be comfortable with it. And there is a difference between being dramatic and being assertive. And men can me dramatic, too. Here is an example of being assertive:
"You are going to have to stop calling me all weekend. I have a life, and I prefer to not be called throughout my weekend."
Here is an example of not being assertive:
"No! Feel free to call me on a Saturday! It's no problem!" (Then you hang up and start complaining to whoever listens about how your weekend is ruined).
And finally, an example of a dramatic person:
"You have to stop calling me every weekend. This is ridiculous. I have a life!" (Dramatic people tend to use large adjectives. Specifically people from Long Island).
If you feel like you aren't "saying it like it is," then you probably are not assertive.
When my boyfriend's family pointed out that we both come from divorced families and suggested the research on couples with that type of background, I was assertive. I looked them straight in the eye and blurted out, "Yeah, there is research on that.... He doesn't..... think!" Oh my God - I just said it. I had never even met some of them before. But I wasn't going to sugar coat it. And it felt right. And we all had a good laugh. Even the two year old nephew. He started cracking up because we were all laughing. It wasn't a nice thing to say at all, though. But I thought they should know that their son/brother is a little bit of a disaster. Do I care if they hate me for saying it? Ummm... not really.
Because you have to remember that well behaved women rarely make a difference...
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