Singledom

Because of my laissez-faire friends, nobody ever expresses any fear to me in "dying alone." Or the "I'm never going to find the right person" panic. And then there is the "I am going to be too old to have kids" scare.

The movement I am in puts so much emphasis on establishing yourself professionally. Everywhere I look, people are marrying in their upper 30s. Which of course will contribute to a successful marriage. (Remember, ladies - don't marry your first boyfriend?)

I don't have a problem that I am 28 and unmarried. Regardless of whom I would have married, I am so convinced that I would be divorced by now. I am still analyzing myself, so it wouldn't have made sense for me to get married. When you grow and change, your partner has to do that with you. And that wouldn't have worked for me because I change my mind too much.

When people used to ask me if I was planning on marrying my exes, this was crossing a line with me. I know, I know. I have probably asked you all about your sexual history, and every dirty detail of your life. But I don't ask that. For some reason, I just don't. It's one of my "hang-ups." (I have a lot of those). I am very skeptical of marriage. I have actually had clients in my car who are my parents age, who have been married, tell me that they have never been in love. The other day, I said to Mr. Right Now (I think I better change his name at some point)


"You know, we don't have any role models for a healthy relationship."

Now, he is so used to me analyzing everything, and playing psychologist, like all of my friends are.

"You mean I don't? Are you talking about you and me now?"

"No, no. I mean most of our generation. So many of us had lousy role models. Or our parents got divorced. So, we don't know how to have a normal, healthy relationship."

He agreed. Where do we find the "model" married couple?

So, I finally found a couple I aspire to be like. But he has to be on board with me on this.

Am I scared to be unmarried and turning 29 next week? Not at all. I have been saying since I was 24 that I am just not ready to settle yet. And until I don't feel like going out and having "girls" nights, and feeling an occasional hangover which is an excuse to eat nasty, greasy food, and looking forward to coming to a condo that is mine where the only mammal that greets me has four legs, then I will still be single. This is 100% my choice.

I remember when one person told me that my sister, who was 32 at the time needed to "hurry up and start trying to have a baby." Yes, one person told me that. Just one. And I was surprised that someone in this lifetime, of my generation would make such a comment. My sister was establishing herself in a private practice that she had just joined. She has just sold her first condo. She was just moving into her first house. And we all know that women reproduce well into their 40s these days. I know, it's not always easy. But they do. And when my middle sister told me yesterday that I better "hurry up" if I wanted to get going on the kid factor (still unsure), I played the, "I'm only 28!" (Meanwhile, last week, while my father told me I wasn't cutting my broccoli the right way, I was "almost 30.") I know, I know, a person can't judge my sis for "starting to try right away," but my middle sis can tell me just that. It's ok, though. My sisters can tell me whatever they want. I love them.

This brings me to an entirely different topic altogether. So, while I have moved 500 miles away from my parents, and 1,000 miles from my middle sis, the big sis and I are now best friends, (as we are with the middle), and I feel like we are all back together again. You move 500 miles away from your parents, and they come to visit. Suddenly, you are having "family dinner" every night, doing errands together, and regressing into your childhood. Mom is slaving over us and Dad is trying to spoil us. And we just let it happen.

I am enjoying the "me" time while I can. To be able to meet a bunch of girlfriends for a quick drink(ssss) (Remember - it's Wisconsin), and dinner on a moment's notice, or do whatever I want on a Sunday is awesome. It's slightly selfish, but I know I am not going to put myself first forever. In fact, I would have to say I don't put myself first that often now, but I am my own priority.

In these next three weeks, my sisters are making milestones, while I am just happy to be getting in my weekly mileage. (Running, that is).